April 4th, 2008
Cleveland Brown quotes
image courtesy Fox Publicity Online
Cleveland: Wow, Lois must have written the book on man pleasing. Too bad Loretta doesn’t allow white literature in our household.
Peter: So I found out I have a black ancestor.
Cleveland: Is that right? Well that’s fantastic Peter.
Peter: Yeah but see the problem is that..I..I got no idea on how to be black. Except for not smiling when I get my picture taken.
(Cleveland is about to smash Quagmire with a baseball bat. Then he looks around at, Meg, Chris, and Lois, who all have frightened faces. Then Darth Sidius appears.)
Darth Sidius: Good, good. Let the hate flow through you.
Lois (pushing him away): You’re not helping.
Joe: What’s wrong Peter?
Peter: (Sighs) It’s nothing Joe, it’s I don’t know, it’s just that all you guys have something to be proud of; Quagmire got a key to the city, Mort bowled a perfect game, you’re always getting medals for catching crooks, hell even Cleveland used to be an accomplished auctioneer.
(Flashback)
Cleveland: (Talking fast) I have 125, do I hear 130? one-hundred thirty thousand for this authentic Comensia headress, I got 130, I got 130, Do I hear 135, One-Fort….(Gets hit in head with totem, then his voice slows down) One..Thirty..five goin’ once.
Cleveland: You’re the white version of a black guy that’s not good with his money.
Peter: Just a small town girl…livin’ in a lonely world. She took a midnight train goin’ anywhere.
Come on Cleveland!
Cleveland: No, no i couldn’t. Well ok. Just a city boy… born and raise in south Detroit…
Man: Hey it’s Journey!
People at funeral: Hey it’s Journey! Let’s go!
(Lady crying at the droped coffin looks up): Hey it’s Journey (leaves)
Lois: Aren’t you upset that your wife cheated on you with your best friend?
Cleveland: Better with Quagmire than someone she could get a disease from.
Cleveland: I can’t get Cleveland, Jr. to sit still for anything. Sometimes i think he might have the epilepsy, but then I just go see what’s on the TV.
Cleveland: I must say, I do feel a strange satisfation watchin’ the black ball topple all those self-righteous white pins.
Joe: Can’t blame ‘em for being self-righteous, the black ball’s in their neighborhood uninvited.
Cleveland: The black ball’s done nothing wrong.
Joe: If the black ball’s innocent it has nothing to fear.
Cleveland: Thanks for including my Civil Rights boardgame in the game night rotation guys.
Lois: Oh, we’re always happy to play “Two Decades of Dignity.” It makes us all feel a little less guilty.
(Peter rolls dice and moves his gamepiece.)
Peter (reading off a gamecard): For whistling at a white woman, go directly to jail. Aww, man doesn’t anyone ever win at this game?
Cleveland: You don’t win. You just do a little better each time.
Cleveland: If you’re this desperate about Chris’s weight, why don’t you just suck the fat out?
Peter: Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest.
Peter: Well guys, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland: You poor bastard. After all, sex is pointless without potantcy.
Quagmire: That’s right, you take the venom out of a cobra and what do you got? You got a…a belt.
Quagmire: I’ve never seen so many chicks in one place! Hey, hey, check out those two hotties…they’re so lonely they’re practicing kissing each other!
Cleveland: I don’t think they’re practicing…
Peter, Quagmire and Joe: Oh…oooohhhhh…OOOOOOHHHH!!!…oh…
Cleavland: I HATE BEWITCHED! (Flips couch upside down while Stewie is on it.)
Stewie: Well, that was a reasonable reaction.
Cleveland: Public urination is just wrong. Except during the Million Man March when protestors burned down our porta-potties and I used my stream of justice to put out the hate.
Cleveland: Oh, Peter, that tickles me in a way, that if Loretta tickled me in that way, I’d say, Oh yea … that’s nice … that’s the spot.
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