March 31st, 2008
Brian Griffin Quotes
image courtesy Fox Publicity Online
Lois: Brian, you’re home early. What happened with your date?
Brian: The same thing that always happens, she was an idiot.
Jasper (Brian’s cousin): Do you like Sex and the City?
Brian: Yeah, it’s an okay show.
Jasper: I wasn’t talking about the show! OOOOOO! I’M NASTY!
Joe: Are you wearing a girl’s sweater?
Brian: Does that really matter right now?
Stewie: Go on, hot wire it!
Brian: Hot wire? I don’t even pump my own gas.
Brian: I could take my sweater off too, but I think it’s attached to my skin.
Brian: Umm…where are the toilets?
New Yorker Editor: Oh, no one at The New Yorker has an anus.
Gary Coleman as Stewie: Whatcha talkin’ ’bout vile woman?!
Lois: A good breakfast is the foundation of a good day.
Brian: And a bad breakfast is the foundation of indigestion! HEYOOOOOOOOOO! Hi, I’m Brian.
Brian: I didn’t know there was going to be an open bar. And the guy really knew his stuff! He made me a mojito. I don’t think it’s a gay drink. Mo-ji-to…
Stewie: Hey Brian, Marion just called you an alcoholic.
Brian: Oh yeah, well she just called you a homo!!
Brian: There’s a woodpecker on your head.
Keanu Reeves: Yeah, he comes and goes.
Stewie (trying to act nice): Brian–knock knock!
Brian: This is stupid.
Stewie: Come on–knock knock!
Brian: Okay, who’s there?
Stewie: It’s Stewie and he’s always going to be there for you!
Brian: Hey, you know what might be a thrill for you guys?
Chris: Ooh, ooh, eating a pebble!
Brian: Yeah, be the best damn hooker you can be.
Stewie: Hey Bria…what?
Brian: I didn’t say anything.
Stewie: Oh…I…I thought you…you interrupted…me. Don’t interrupt me!
Peter: There’s gotta be an explanation for all this.
Brian: You want an explanation? God is pissed!
Brian: You know just because you guys sung for some drunkards at a karaoke bar, doesn’t mean you have talent.
Peter: Oh whatever Brian, you’re just ants at a picnic.
Brian: I’m what? I’m ants at a picnic?
Peter: Uh-huh.
Brian: Yeah, ok… just wanted to make sure I heard that right.
(While playing Pac Man at the bar)
Brian: Get, get the fruit. It’s more points. Get the fruit.
Stewie: I’m not gonna get the fruit.
Brian: Get the fruit.
Stewie: I’m not gonna…I can’t get the fruit.
Brian: Get the fruit.
Stewie: I’m not gonna…I’m not gonna get the fruit there’s a ghost right there!
Brian: Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry Martini around here?
Brian: Ah, the old alma mater. I tell you, there’s something magical about Brown.
Chris: Brown is the color of poo. Ha ha ha!
Brian: Yes. Yes it is.
Brian: Sure I’ll take some. God, What is this?!
Adam West: It’s creamed corn, I brought it from home. I don’t like the creamed corn they have here. It’s too crunchy.
Stewie (after imitating Rocky IV): You know, there are three hours until the exam.
Brian: Oh crap! And all we’ve done is work out!
Brian: Peter, if you just let me talk, I’ll explain to you why you shouldn’t do this.
Peter: Later, later Brian, I gotta do something people will remember me for. Which is why I’ve invented a new type of flying machine.
Stewie: You know, I vaguely recall seeing footage somewhere of something exactly like this, which leads me to believe this probably won’t work.
Peter: Oh man, Lois is really pissed at me.
Brian: Yeah, who knew welfare fraud was one of her buttons?
Stewie (in chair being told about babysitter): Yes! I’m going to wow her tonight Rupert, I’m going to be cooler than Brian when he hangs out at the bowling alley.
Brian: That’s what I love about high school girls… I keep geting older, they stay the same age, hehehe, yes they do, yes they do….
(Brian is shown behind the White House next to a tree with a treehouse in it. George Bush is in the treehouse.)
Brian: President Bush?
George Bush: Go away!
Brian: Sir, we need you to come down!
George Bush: I’m reading “Super Fudge!”
Brian: Sir, there’s a natural disater going on!
George Bush: Don’t make me do stuff…
(While playing Pacman at the bar)
Brian: Get, get the fruit. It’s more points. Get the fruit.
Stewie: I’m not gonna get the fruit.
Brian: Get the fruit.
Stewie: I’m not gonna… I can’t get the fruit.
Brian: Get the fruit.
Stewie: I’m not gonna… I’m not gonna get the fruit there’s a ghost right there!
Brian: Yeah, could I get two martinis?
Horace (looking at Stewie): Hey, is he 18?
Brian: Horace, the drinking age is 21.
Horace: Oh.
Peter: Okay now when we get to your mother’s cage say “hello”, but don’t drag your ass, because I want to go to the reptile house. Oh, and I want to see those pandas.
Brian: Peter, this isn’t a zoo, it’s a prison!
Brian: If dogs aren’t supposed to eat dental floss out of the trash, why did they make it mint flavored?
Brian: I’ll be in the basement.
Peter: Doin’ what?
Brian: What do you think?
(Everyone laughs)
Stewie: Someone will have to explain that to me.
(Brian walks in)
Brian: Hey Doc, what the hell are you doing here?
Doctor: Your family has something to say.
Meg (reading from a piece of paper): Brian, I know I don’t speak up much, and it’s really hard for me to talk about my feelings, but -
Doctor : W-Why don’t we start with someone more interesting…Peter?
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