Adam West quotes
image courtesy Fox Publicity Images online
We gather today to remember those brave Quahog men that were lost at sea. The bible declares, an eye for an eye, so let us now take our vengeance on this murderous ocean (stabs ocean). You won’t be hurting anyone anymore!
Adam West: We invited Reverend Jesse Jackson to open up our ceremonies with a prayer.
(Crowd mutters in excitement)
Adam West: Unfortunately he could not make it, so instead we have LaToya Jackson.
LaToya Jackson: Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yea God!
Adam West: How very inappropriate, thank you.
Brian: Sure I’ll take some. God, What is this?!
Adam West: It’s creamed corn, I brought it from home. I don’t like the creamed corn they have here. It’s too crunchy.
Mayor West: Today we are here to honor Joe Swanson for pulling my poor one-eyed cat Bootsy out of the old stove pipe of my Grandmother’s cabin. (Guy standing behind mayor west hits him on the back of the head with a stick.) Joe Swanson won the special people’s decathalon and we’re here to honor him.
Police Officer: Hey. That’s Against the law. You’re coming with me.
Peter: (singing to the tune of U Can’t Touch this) Ah ah ah ah. Can’t Touch Me/ Can’t Touch me/ Ja ja ja ja just like the bad guy/ from Lethal Weapon 2/ I’ve got diplomatic Immunity/ so Hammer, you can’t sue/ I can write graffiti even jay-walk in the streets/ I can Riot, loot, not give a hoot, and touch your sister’s teat/ Can’t touch me/ Can’t touch me/
Adam West: What in God’s name is he doing?
Peter: Can’t touch me.
Cleveland: I believe that’s the worm.
Peter: (still singing) Can’t touch me/ STOP, Peter time/ I’m a big shot, there’s no doubt/ light a fire then pee it out/ Don’t like it, kiss my rump/ Just for a minute, let’s all do the bump/ Can’t touch me/ Yeah, do the Peter Griffin Bump/ Can’t touch me/ I’m Presidential Peter/ Interns think I’m hot/ Don’t care if you’re handicapped, I’ll still park in your spot/ I’ve been around the world/ from Hartford to Back Bay/ It’s Peter, Go Peter, I’m so Peter, Yo Peter, Let’s see Regis rap this way/ Can’t touch me.
Mayor Adam West: I just bought a Rottweiler, and I need a sign to warn people how dangerous it is.
Home Supply clerk (pointing to “BEWARE OF DOG” sign): Well, we have exactly what you–
Mayor Adam West: Ah, yes, here it is: “ONE WAY.” So people will know if they step into my yard, there’s only one way out–in a body bag from dog injuries.
(Adam West is marrying his hand)
Priest: If anyone has any reason as to why this marriage should not take place, speak now or forever hold your peace.
(Adam West’s other hand raises up)
Adam West: Shut up, you had your chance!
Trisha Takinawa: Here comes Mayor Adam West himself. Mr. West, do you have any words for our viewers?
Mayor Adam West: Box, toaster, aluminum, maple syrup… no I take that one back. I’m gonna hold onto that one.
Doctor: Mayor West, you have Lymphoma.
Mayor: Oh My.
Doctor: Probably from rolling around in that Toxic waste. What in God’s name were you trying to prove?
Mayor: I was trying to gain super powers.
Doctor: Well that’s just silly.
Mayor: Silly yes … Idiotic … yes.!
Mayor West: MY GOD! Someone’s stealing my water!
Meg: But it just went down the drain.
Mayor West: They hit when you least expect it.
(Waters plant.)
Mayor West: SHOW YOURSELVES, COWARDS! I’ve spent $1,000 dollars of the tax payers money trying to find these thieves and I’ll spend $1,000,000 if that’s what it takes!
Meg: You know, I think I have my story.
Mayor West: NO! WAIT! You can’t print that! Thank God she’s just a figment of my imagination.
Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy … and I’m a man who enjoys his taffy.
Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West?
Adam West: How do you know my language?
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