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Stewie Griffin, the Untold Story

by Wendy on July 7th, 2008

Stewie Griffin, the Untold Story was the first full-length (88 minutes) feature from the Family Guy crew. The story revolves around (who else) Stewie, who sees his double on the news one day and decides to seek him out. Basically, it’s a road trip movie in the tradition of Bob Hope, although as far as I know there’s not another Bob Hope movie that featured babies getting drunk (I could be wrong, there’s a lot of Bob Hope movies).

Here are a few of the best quotes:

Brian: You’re drunk.
Stewie: You’re sexy.

Wilford Brimley: Hi, I’m Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee, and it causes me to be short with my family. I can’t sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe, and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago, I ran out of Vanilla ice cream, and struck my wife. Then I find out, my wife’s been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?!

Quagmire (with a trashy girl on his arm): Hang around little guy, I’ll be back later (he winks).
Stewie: Oh very well. I suppose I’ll go and pump the chemical toilet. (Eyes the trashy girl.) apparently, you’re about to do the same.

Lois Griffin: Come on Stewie, don’t be afraid. It’s just water, it’s not gonna bite.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up! I know it’s not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn’t have to bite you!

Future Stewie: That’s never happened to me before.
Girlfriend: What, the 8 seconds of sex or the 40 minutes of crying?
Future Stewie: Both

Trisha Takinawa: Here comes Mayor Adam West himself. Mr. West, do you have any words for our viewers?
Mayor Adam West: Box, toaster, aluminum, maple syrup… no I take that one back. I’m gonna hold onto that one.

Honestly, Stewie Griffin, the Untold Story is not the best Family Guy episode or montage by a long shot. It’s one of those weird shows that takes a while to really enjoy; I found myself having to watch it about three times before I started really laughing. With all the speculation on an actual in-theater Family Guy movie, I’m hoping that Seth MacFarlane will do a MUCH better job with a longer feature.

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