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What are your favorite Family Guy quotes?

by Wendy on May 15th, 2008

Here are just a few of my favorites:

Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it’s THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.

Lois: Chris, did you do all your homework?
Chris: Yeah, i had to make a shoebox diarrhea for science (pulls out shoebox from under table)
Lois: You mean a ‘diarama’
Chris: I think i misunderstood!

Stewie: How you uh, how you comin’ on that novel you’re working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you’re working on there? Your big novel you’ve been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.

Boss: Peter! Were you sleeping on the job?
Peter: No uh.. uh, i was just um.. i had a bug in my eye and i was trying to sufficate it.

Come on - what are your favorite Family Guy quotes? If you’re not sure, you can check the Family Guy Quotes page.

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