Friday Fun With Family Guy Quotes
[watching cheerleaders changing in a locker room]
Stewie: It appears my wee-wee’s been stricken with rigor-mortis.
[Lois is washing Stewie's hair in the sink]
Stewie Griffin: Careful. It’s ‘gently rub the scalp’, not ’scrub like you’re trying to get the vomit out of a Christmas dress’, you stupid holiday drunk.
Peter (narrating his life): “I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I’d never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze.”
Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines…
Peter: Oh god, I hope you’re not pregnant, we can’t afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley…
Brian: Peter those aren’t your kids, that’s the Nick-at-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda…
Brian: That’s Street Fighter.
Peter: Red, blue, green…
Brian: Those are colors.
Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn’t really matter what we say. I’m the Lord Jesus Christ. I think I’ll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don’t like black people.
Camera man: Hey guys, we’re still on in Boston.
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POSTED IN: Mort Goldman
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